so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
