dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
