I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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