I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
