his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
