yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
