Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
