How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
