I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
