I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Randomize
