I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
