i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
