it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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