apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
