Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
