My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
