gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
