all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
