I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
