We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
