Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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