Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
