Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize