To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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