You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Farmville is her only friend.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
