she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
