If i could tip my vagina, i would.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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