Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm too high and old for this...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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