how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
