i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
