Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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