Small penises have feelings too.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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