It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
