My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize