He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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