I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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