One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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