I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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