how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
