Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
