We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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