your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
