Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So many bounce houses so little time
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize