I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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