can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
