I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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