This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
