Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize