Nicole vs. Life
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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