I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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