It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
