I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
