Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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