I just saw a hot homeless man
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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