I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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