Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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