remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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