I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
