Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She told me I should be a condom model.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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