i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
