piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
