Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
