I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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