A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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