I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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