No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
