I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
