Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
