You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
