This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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