wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
