That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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