She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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