this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
