brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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