this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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