just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
