So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
