I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
