you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
