I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
