His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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