if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
