i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
