Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She bit a glass in half.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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