put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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