Don't you send me to vm
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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