It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
