do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
