You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I party with great urgency now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize