curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
