Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He shit in the fireplace
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
