And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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