I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
