I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
