I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
