I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
