It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
