Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
