I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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