Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just gift wrapped bread.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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