Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
