Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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