I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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