she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize