I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
