but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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