Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
