Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
