i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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