Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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