So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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