hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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