Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize