ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was like getting head from an anaconda
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
