He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
