I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
