Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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