can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
