just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just forgot I was standing up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
