I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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