Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
