Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
